Your Favorite Thanksgiving Foods as College Basketball Teams
Holiday food and college hoops: two great tastes that taste great together!
Happy Thanksgiving, folks!
For college basketball junkies like us here at The Low Major, this weekend means two things: food and college basketball. These two things are so intrinsic to the holiday weekend that it’s hard not to mentally combine them. Will stuffing pull the upset over mashed potatoes this year? How will the age-old Turkey-Ham Showdown play out?
Most importantly, how do these Thanksgiving staples compare to the college basketball teams we’ve spent all week binging? Nobody has ever asked this question, but it’s the question we’re here to answer today. We hope you enjoy our Thanksgiving spread!
Turkey
Turkey is practically synonymous with Thanksgiving. It’s in the mix every year and many people look forward to having it on the table; eating turkey is doing Thanksgiving the “right” way. It also has its fair share of detractors — of haters — who think it’s bland and unfathomably boring to consume. It’s a heavy favorite, but it’s the type of heavy favorite that can easily be unseated by more obscure, upstart Thanksgiving eats.
That’s right: turkey is the Virginia Cavaliers.
Ham
Ham is a far more exciting entrée. It has a lot more flavor than turkey and you’ll probably find more people who’d call it their favorite. It can dominate any Thanksgiving plate. But it’s not super versatile. It doesn’t blend in with other Thanksgiving standards as well as turkey does and some think it should belong to a different, better holiday. It’s the type of entrée that some old heads absolutely despise; my mother is allergic to it.
You guessed it: ham is the Kentucky Wildcats.
Mac and cheese
Mac and cheese is one of the best foods on the planet, but it’s so often miscategorized. For years — at picnics, barbecues, and yes, holidays — mac and cheese has been unfairly archetyped as just a side. But real ones know that it’s always been able to play with the big boys and hold its own as an entrée.
Maybe one day it’ll finally get its due: mac and cheese is the Gonzaga Bulldogs.
Mashed potatoes
Mashed potatoes are a marquee Thanksgiving food and everybody knows it. They have a rich history and they’re still among the best of the best today. Right now, they’re in the same boat as mac and cheese — usually considered a side but often consumed as a main — but they have more mainstream acceptance and will likely join the entrée ranks in the very near future.
Comparing them to an Idaho team would just be lazy: mashed potatoes are the Houston Cougars.
Stuffing
Stuffing is a sloppy mess. A lot of people don’t even know what exactly it is, but it appears to have the texture and consistency of “food”. Despite all this, it’s usually on the table, and we’re hungry, so we’ll gobble it right up anyway.
It’s mean but they deserve it: stuffing is the NC State Wolfpack.
Bread rolls
It’s a given that every Thanksgiving table has bread rolls of some kind. They’re usually not very exciting, but they complement other items very well. They’re not often considered the best available chow, but at worst they get the job done, and at best they’re a surprise hit.
Frustrating as it may be: bread rolls are the Syracuse Orange.
Green bean casserole
Green bean casserole is eternally underrated. It has a distinct funky taste that its fans will forever associate with Thanksgiving, but when the average consumer thinks of the holiday, several other foods come to mind first.
You won’t find it on everyone’s plate, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t consistently excellent: green bean casserole is the San Diego State Aztecs.
Mixed vegetables
Most people don't spend November looking forward to the veggies on their Thanksgiving plate. To most, Thanksgiving is about gorging yourself silly with little regard for the consequences. Veggies aren't usually the food group of choice for such an occasion; they seemingly miss the point of Thanksgiving to focus on more "important" things like health.
Go back to class where you belong: mixed vegetables are the California Golden Bears.
Pecan pie
Pecan pie is a Southern delight, a top-tier dessert that’s almost always a joy to eat. It’s loaded with sugar, which has its pros and cons. On the positive side, it’s super sweet and you want to bounce off the walls after eating it. On the negative side, if you have too much of it, you’ll probably get sick and turn over. Not to mention sometimes you’re just not in the mood for sweet; if every meal tasted like this, you’d probably grow to resent the concept of food.
Coached by a man named for a much more boring food: pecan pie is the Alabama Crimson Tide.
Pumpkin pie
Like most pumpkin foodstuffs, pumpkin pie is pretty much always seasonal to autumn. Everyone always hypes it up in the fall — and they have good reason to; it’s legitimately great — but come springtime, you almost never see it around.
Champions of being invisible in March: pumpkin pie is the entire Big Ten Conference.
And that’ll round out our holiday meal. Whether you’re celebrating Thanksgiving or Feast Week, we at The Low Major hope your weekend is nice and peaceful. We’re thankful for you, the readers!